- Age / Gender:
- 29, Male
- Carbondale IL
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Level 14 Blank Slate
Ranked as Police Officer
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Posted this a couple years back on myspace, but I'm tired of seeing "you have no new news, why not post one" So Blam, here it is. From here on out if it doesn't have a D: it didn't come from me.
D: Here's another fantabulous bulletin I found recently. I almost let it past, but then decided nah fuck it...I need something to do. Its supposed to be the truth about what women are thinking when they are doing stupid shit. I am Dager, I know women like the back of my right hand...therefore I will tell you all the truth about these little myths. It's maddoxesque I'll give you that.
Girl facts: THIS IS SOOOOOOO TRUE
D: This is SOOOOOO bullshit.
When a girl is quiet,
millions of things are running through her mind.
D: When a woman is quiet she is merely thinking of who she's gonna bang when you go to your night out with the guys. Millions of thoughts in this case means millions of penises...woman are whores.
When a girl is not arguing,
she is thinking deeply.
D: This is actually true, but she is thinking very deeply about that one quote she heard on CNN taken out of context as it passed by the irrelevant focus group proves she is actually right. These long pauses are usually followed by hitting the guy closest to her...be sure to give her one back right on the jaw for the Dager.
When a girl looks at you with eyes full of questions,
she is wondering how long you will be around.
D: She can't wait for you to go to your night out with the guys...whore.
When a girl answers, "I'm fine, " after a few seconds,
she is not at all fine.
D: She is sad because her kitten is sick, be sure to never follow this up with any of YOUR problems as they are stupid and trivial. This is also false because girls are liars, if she was fine it would be "I want some cake," if she isn't its "...I'm fine". Beware men, "I'm fine..." should always be followed by a follow up are you sure...she is and if you ask she'll get annoyed, but if you don't ask no sex for you amigo.
When a girl stares at you,
she is wondering why you are so wonderful.
D: This is true, the awesomeness of man boggles the simple and fragile mind of women. She is wondering why she was born an inferior gender and how long it would take her to buy the surgery. Men rock, women can never be us, but it's a free country so let her stare away.
When a girl lays on your chest,
she is wishing for you to be hers forever.
D: When she lays on your chest she is trying to feel your heartbeat and breathing pattern. DO NOT FALL ASLEEP! If you do she will probably A) kill you, B) steal your wallet, C) have sex with your roomate...his cock is bigger, unless you're me.
When a girl calls you everyday,
she is seeking for your attention.
D: Bitch, she just got done with her man-on-the-side, but needs to call and make sure you have zero free time for anyone else. Men hate the phone and its an evolutionary sociopathic need for women to force men to talk on the phone. If she calls answer make static sounds and hang up. She'll worry, but you can continue on Christy all you need, if she calls back get a new phone number.
When a girl wants to see you everyday,
she wants to be pampered.
D: Bitches. Its true, and if you don't spend everylast dime she will probably give you your choice of punishment, A) no shaved legs, B) no sex, or C) cuddling. Choose C...when she falls asleep continue on Christy. You're a man and thereby better, its your God given right!
When a girl says, "I'll love you forever, "
she means it.
D: Men, stop thinking in terms of forever in a cosmic or universal way and more in terms of a car's gas tank. Except instead of a gas tank its your wallet and the gas is money. PS To a woman forever could mean until you forget to please her.
When a girl says that she can't live without you,
she has made up her mind that you are her future.
D: BEWARE! I can't live without you is a very serious thing. Introduce her to Bryan, force to dance.
When a girl says, "I miss you, "
no one in this world can miss you more than that
D: Unless its your mother its untrue. Mommy loves you, but this bitch just wants a nice steak dinner.
Guy Facts:This is VERRRRRY true for me anyways
When a guy calls u
he wants to be with you
D: "Hey I'm really drubnuk, wanna come over? We can watch some movies." Its a very true statement.
When a guy is quiet,
He's listening to you...
D: Hmmm, I wish she was naked. I think I should probably nod about now. Hey! When I nod it looks like her boobies bounce, I'll nod more often.
When a guy is not arguing,
He realizes he's wrong
D: He's tired of arguing because your fact that kittens are cuter than dogs really doesn't prove the war in Iraq is unjustified. Not that all of his facts about world politics has any meaning to her. She's a woman and cannot understand words containing more than two syllables and will not give up unless given a cake.
When a guy says, "I'm fine, " after a few minutes,
he means it
D: That's right! We aren't liars, woohoo! The minutes before response is because we were busy nodding.
When a guy stares at you,
he thinks you're the most beautiful thing in the world
D: When he stares he's picturing you naked...in which case you are the most beautiful girl in the world, right now anyway. That's all we really care about anyway.
When you're laying your head on a guy's chest
he has the world
D: Nope he's got the herpes you jsut gave him, but other than that he's probably flat broke because of that goddamn steak dinner it took to get in your pants.
When a guy calls you everyday
he is in love
D: Guess again!! You might be throwing the coming out of the closet party for him soon, don't be surprised. He did ask you to moan in a deep voice and wear a prison outfit last time you were together.
When a (good) guy say he loves you
he means it
D: True, very true. But why the hell do you women think that the frat guy you picked up at the bar because he was chugging quicker than everyone else is that good guy?
When a guy says he can't live without you
he's with you till your done
D: Wow, women sure are considerate aren't they? Bitches
When a guy says, "I miss you, "
he misses you more than you could have ever missed him or anything else
D: I love the anything else here. He misses you more than you miss chocolate cake on the second week of your diet! Oh Ben & Jerry's how I miss you so...I hope he's having sex when he called...bitch.
Disclaimer: I do not hate women as much as it sounds, but pretty close. Women are not actually bitches but are Grullies. Grullies is a word I just made up because I think calling women bitches is degrading to female dogs. I'm never gettin' laid again. crap